Norman is a very handsome man, but he has never thought of himself in that way. For as long as he could remember, his dream was to be an engineer, but when his college loans didn’t cover all the expenses of his junior year, his mother couldn’t afford to pay the difference. He dropped out of college, but eventually landed a good job working for a cable company. Helping his mother and two younger siblings financially, he never found the time to go back to school. He rarely has a minute to spare, always working on one project or another. Even as a teenager he could fix just about anything and did odd jobs when he wasn’t in school. With all the help he had given to neighbors and church members over the years, if he had charged them for his services, he probably could have earned enough money to pay his tuition himself. But Norman isn’t built that way. He has a very kind heart and becoming rich has never been his motivation.
His mother and sister got a kick out of seeing the droves of females that had contorted themselves into various forms just to get his attention. Much of it went unnoticed. Norman loves a challenge. Figuring out the way things work makes him tick, and when he met Cynthia for the very first time, the connection was instant. She was the first female mechanic he had ever met, and her love for tinkering with things was as intense as his. If he hadn’t met her when he took his car in for service at the dealership, he would never had suspected her love for cars. She was as attractive as he was handsome, and nothing about her natural good looks spoke to being under a hood all day except her very short nails, rough hands, and her bit too firm handshake.
Norman and Cynthia seemed perfect for each other. She loved his family and they loved her, but Norman was a little puzzled that Cynthia didn’t bring him around her family much at all. On the occasions when she did, the visits were awkward and rushed. After a few months of dating, Norman was surprised to hear the tone Cynthia sometimes took with her sisters, and even her mother on occasion. It was harsh, and to him seemed mean spirited.
Romans 3:23 (NLT) tells us, “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” All of us were born with sin in our bodies, and we were born into a sinful world. We all have our ways, and sometimes get a little testy with those we love, but when it crosses the line into meanness, it’s an issue of the heart and that’s serious business. Meanness stems from the inflexibility of resentment, bitterness, stubbornness, and deep-seated anger. It can be very insidious. Through the years, God has shown great mercy and grace to believers who have failed to deal with the meanness in their hearts. But a new season is upon us, and we will not see the grace we’ve seen in the past when it comes to a mean and stubborn heart.
Ephesians 4:32 (NLT) tells us, “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” To be tenderhearted is the standard of Christ. It is to treat others with kindness and respect, to be especially so with those closest to us. If we will treat our family members with toxic attitudes and speak unkind, hurtful words to them, we will do it to anyone, given time. This behavior will no longer be tolerated by the Lord. It will cause us to step in a ditch of unrighteousness that will cut us off from the very blessings we desire.
Cynthia was very adept at presenting one side of herself to those she wanted to impress and being a completely different person around those who knew what was beneath the facade. She was carrying a lot of anger, had done so since she was a teenager. When this anger or frustration manifested, she chose to unleash it on those who knew her best. It was a very ugly thing to witness. One day Norman called her out on her behavior and said, “Don’t be so mean!” In that moment, Cynthia knew that he saw the thing she had always tried to camouflage. He became a target of her meanness, and it was the first and last time.
It is not so great a cost to lose a relationship with a person, because those can often be restored or replaced. But nothing is worth harming our relationship with God. Some of us refuse to deal with ourselves in an honest way, but we can’t carry the weight of meanness and expect to go higher in Christ. Nor can we expect to let this stuff fester in our hearts and have a happy life. Meanness punishes the one who harbors it more than anyone else.
Hebrews 12:1(NLT) tells us, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” We must learn to maintain a wonderful relationship with God before we can do so with any other significant person. And if we want to maintain sweet fellowship with Heavenly Father through the Lord Jesus Christ, we must strip off the weight of meanness. It slows us down and keeps us from fighting the good fight of faith. We must come to God with a willingness to surrender meanness. When we do, He’ll help us unload the burden from deep within, so that we can cultivate strong relationships as we learn to love unconditionally and tenderly through Him.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Don’t Be So Mean!” written for Crazynlove.com ©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!