I had a conversation with a person not long ago that is still very angry over a breakup. She feels her ex-boyfriend’s infidelity was the greatest betrayal she has ever endured. It’s been over a year since their breakup, but she seems to still carry a lot of resentment. When I asked what it would take for her to release her anger and move on, she remarked that she needs closure. Typically, closure in a relationship that has ended means that the person left with hurt feelings has a need to know the reason they’ve been emotionally abandoned. They want to know why the other person no longer feels the same way about them. In the case of infidelity, it’s not unusual to want to know what it is about the new person that caused the ex to choose them over the partner that has been faithful and committed.
Jesus Christ said in John 16:33 that here on this earth, we will have many troubles and sorrows, but we must stand strong, because he has overcome the world. It is precisely because he has won the victory for each of us, that we must know and understand that nothing can defeat us. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:13 that we can do ALL things through Jesus Christ who gives us strength. He declared in Romans 8:31 that if God be for us, then who can be against us, for there is none greater than Heavenly Father. So, Jesus hasn’t kept us in the dark about some of the heartaches, pain, and troubles we might have to endure on this earth, but he wanted us to know that these tribulations, tests, and trials have no power over us.
We don’t realize the extent to which fear is present in our lives until a relationship ends. Fear is the exact opposite of faith. Fear is a belief that we are not who God says we are, and that we do not have the power of His Spirit to overcome any obstacle. Some of us convince ourselves that we need closure because of this fear. The need for closure is a residual from the band-aid being ripped off our wound. The target of our emotional investment is no longer in the picture, and something hurtful inside us has been exposed. Our tendency is to want to stuff something inside the hole to keep the wound from continuing to gush. It is also the case that sometimes convincing ourselves of a need for closure is only a cloak for hoping that the person will take us back.
God’s desire for us is that we will heal from heartbreak and do so in a way that we do not harbor resentment and bitterness. 1John 4:18(NLT) is one of my favorite scriptures. It says, “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” When it comes to relationships especially, this verse should be on constant replay in our minds and hearts. God’s love doesn’t have any fear, so if we’re afraid, it is because we fear punishment. We fear loneliness. We fear that we won’t be loved or that we’re unlovable because someone left us. We continue to self-punish by thinking negatively about ourselves or thinking we’re deficient in some way because the relationship didn’t work out.
The truth is that there are some people that we choose as partners who are not assigned to journey forward with us. To continue to cling to them emotionally is a betrayal of our purpose. It is to place what they can give us above what God can give us or what we can give ourselves. This is always a very dangerous mistake. We cannot sacrifice our progression on destiny’s path for the practice of continuing to harbor emotions that do not serve our highest self in Christ. Another human being doesn’t have the power to sustain us. 2Corinthians 3:5(NKJV) tells us,
“Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.” Heavenly Father is the glue that holds our lives together.
We shouldn’t punish ourselves by expecting that a person can heal our wounds. This will end in disappointment, because all healing comes from God. We are healed when we allow the love of God into our hearts. We overcome heartache when we decide to no longer be its victim. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that we walk through by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. If we allow him, he will heal those gushing wounds and help us close the door to the relationships that exposed them.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“No Longer Heartache’s Victim” written for Crazynlove.com ©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!