The collateral damage that we experience after some of our relationship breakups can be very shocking. Not only are we heartbroken, but even after months have gone by, we might find ourselves picking up pieces that we didn’t even know had hit the floor. The thing is, many of us never quite come to terms with the residuals after a breakup because we’re too busy licking our wounds and trying to move on to the next relationship. We don’t give ourselves time to heal because we either don’t know the extent to which we’re wounded, or we’re completely in denial about it.
Our Heavenly Father created life in such a way that it is a mirror. Most of us are perfectly happy when it reflects the good stuff we want to see. We love getting accolades and rewards because they prove that we’re doing some things right, and this feels good. But everything, and I do mean e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, has a flip side or an opposite. There’s right and wrong, love and hate, faith and fear, obedience and disobedience, and humility and arrogance. Life will show us when we’re on the right track, and it will also reveal when we’re going off the rails. We must be as honest about the things we’re getting wrong as we are about the things we’re doing right.
The measuring stick for all this is God’s purpose for our lives. He tells us in Jeremiah 29:11(ESV), “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” You and I are not the ones with the master plan for our existences. God has a plan for our individual lives, and woven within life are all the signs, signals, and symbols that will let us know how far or how closely we’re aligned with His plan. If we miss the signs, signals, and symbols, we’ll be in trouble, and this happens a lot in relationships gone wrong. We have to pay attention to God’s guidance and direction, because He’s never wrong, and He will always lead us toward what is best for our lives. God is the One with the master plan, and we can’t ever forget this.
A successful woman that is an engineer told me that she’s emotionally exhausted. Her dream is to have a spouse and family, to enjoy traveling and seeing exotic places together, and to one day pursue establishing a family business with her future spouse. She wants to leave a legacy for her children and demonstrate that they can achieve great things if they work hard. She’s had a few serious relationships, but none have ended in a marriage proposal. Generous and giving, she said she pours everything into her relationships, and her partners love the way she makes them feel, but they haven’t reciprocated the same level of love and commitment that she has. She’s internalized this and doesn’t feel lovable and adequate. With all that she has to offer, she never dreamed finding the right person would be as challenging as it has been. Because of her previous boyfriends’ lack of interest in a serious commitment, she fears spending the rest of her life alone.
The psalmist said in Psalm 138:8(ESV), “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.” God doesn’t miss a beat. Nothing slips by Him, and His plan for us is perfect in every way. He requires that we trust His plan and have faith in Him to lead us. This is especially needed in our relationships. Ephesians 1:11 tells us that we have been predestined according to God’s purpose, and He works all things out according to His Will. Families are a very important part of God’s plan and purpose, and He doesn’t leave this to chance. However, He will not force us to consult Him, and He won’t intervene where He’s not invited.
It isn’t wise to make emotional investments in people that were never meant to journey with us through life. This is sometimes needlessly wasteful, and life will reflect this. Just because the vibe is right, and the person seems like a good fit, it doesn’t mean they are. In and of ourselves, we lack the ability to know what is best according to God’s plan for us, and we need to consult Him. We should develop a habit pattern of inviting Him into the intricate details of our lives through prayer.
God is the only One that can fill our cups, and He does this as we walk in the example of love that He has set for us through Jesus Christ. God’s Son sacrificed his life as payment for our sins. 1John 4:10(NLT) declares, “This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” The priority that God has set is that we pour ourselves into Him, and that we avoid making idols of people and relationships. We are to live and love through Jesus Christ, so that we are continually operating out of his overflow.
When we live and love through Jesus Christ, we won’t become so emotionally exhausted that our hope and faith in God is hindered. Psalm 34:8(NKJV) encourages us to “Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!” Many of us feel a void in our lives, and we make the mistake of thinking another human being can fill this void. This will thrust us into a negative cycle of continuing to pursue the un-pursuable. In other words, we’ll look for water from the wrong kind of wells. Humans were not created to fill up each other. We are children and we have a Father that loves us and wants us to depend on Him for everything. This is a truth that must be anchored in our hearts. When it is, we will invite the Lord to heal our wounded hearts so that we learn to love ourselves and others from a spiritually healthy place.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Love from A Spiritually Healthy Place” written for Crazynlove.com ©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!