A shocking thing happened when I hauled off and slapped the guy that cheated on me; he slapped me back. I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to do. I knew better than to put hands on anyone, but the level of anger I experienced about his infidelity took me over the edge. When I first started dating him, he didn’t have much going on. No swag, his shoe game was pitiful, and that grill needed some work too. Me, young professional on the come up, had money to spare and used quite a bit of it to purchase his new designer gear, with shoes to boot. Get this, even used my connections to solidify him a better job. And what does he do? He started dating a friend of mine behind my back.
I was absolutely crazed, first with anger, then with hurt, and later grief. How could he have treated me this way when I had done so much for him? Nothing in all my years had prepared me for this kind of betrayal. Were the signs written all over the wall? Of course they were, but I couldn’t bring myself to see them. I was too busy chasing after this man who clearly hadn’t learned about honor. But then, neither had I. For months I made an utter and complete spectacle of myself, throwing my values to the wind, and betraying the person I knew myself to be. All for the love of a man who had no clue how to love me back.
The easiest thing in the world is to put the blame on him, but this is a huge mistake, and it robs me of jewels like responsibility, accountability, and most importantly, repentance. I had no right to put my hands on this man or anyone else. And when he responded by stooping to the level of my rage and emotional dysfunction, I had all the information any level-headed person would need.
The guy I was dating took no mercy on the side of my face, and after it happened, I told no one about the immediate boomerang of my transgression. Again, I was shocked, but I was more devastated that his actions were proof-positive he didn’t want me, at least not in the way that I wanted him. He chose someone far less conservative and didn’t uphold the Christian values I thought I was clinging to. There was a tremendous amount of swelling from this heartbreak, but after the swelling went down, I wrestled with the reality of why I never told anyone of our small, but not insignificant, altercation. I truly had to pray my way through the situation because I, in my ignorance, believed we had a future.
The Apostle Paul made an amazing statement in 1Corinthians 13:11(NLT). He said, “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” I remain ever so thankful that the Lord Jesus Christ rescued me from my own childishness and helped me grow in spiritual maturity. 2Peter 2:9 says that the Lord knows how to rescue Godly people from their trails, and I’m so thankful I turned to Him, because He never disappoints. I had sense enough to seek Heavenly Father, just as I had done with troubles in my life before. And in my seeking the Lord, I was reminded of the debacle of Adam and Eve.
The first couple had it made. Every imaginable good thing was given to them by the Lord, yet, when tempted by the devil, they acquiesced. The truth provided them access to the Creator of everything in the universe and all His provision, and they chose to believe a lie. They revealed humanity’s propensity to choose a lie, even when the truth has afforded us every grace. After they were confronted with the enormity of their sin, Genesis 3:7-10 provides proof of their transfer out of the territory of God’s goodness and into the territory of darkness. It tells us that after they ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they were both afraid and ashamed. They had no clue of these two heavies prior to their sin.
Fear and shame come from the gutter of torment. They come from satan and belong to his kingdom. A relationship can’t survive with these at its core. I was afraid of losing someone because I didn’t want to experience loneliness again. I had gone through long periods of it in the past, and at that time, I hadn’t learned to trust God with my whole heart. The reason that I didn’t tell anyone I had slapped this man and he slapped me back was because I was horribly ashamed. I knew I had reduced myself to a level that was in no way representative of the kind of relationship I wanted. I had let myself down, and I had let down the matriarchal wisdom I had received from my elders. I had chosen someone who didn’t have it within himself to help me rise from the degradation of a terrible move.
I had done everything in that relationship, and he had been happy to let me do it. He was more pitiful than me, because the love of God was for him, a foreign concept. How can a person honor another, when they refuse to honor their own Creator? Why did I pine away for someone that was clearly not destined for me? I didn’t know any better. That was years ago, and thank the Lord, I know better now. I pray you do too.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“I Didn’t Know Any Better” written for Crazynlove.com ©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!